


Hyenas, Pizza, and Ice Cream

by Jessistired



Category: DC Extended Universe, DCU
Genre: F/F, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:27:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24193549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessistired/pseuds/Jessistired
Summary: A version of how Ivy met the new and improved Harley Quinn.
Relationships: Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Kudos: 93





	Hyenas, Pizza, and Ice Cream

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I started this when I first saw the first couple of episodes of the Harley Quinn cartoon. Then I saw BOP and finished it, and now I finally got around to posting it. This doesn’t fit in with their meeting in the show, or any continuity for that matter.  
> Also technically Harley is with the joker, but that fuck face doesn’t make a physical appearance until the end.

It must have started after Ivy had broken out of Arkham. Because if she were still there, still talking to Harley, she would have warned her. She would have told her that Joker wasn't interesting, he was just your run of the mill bastard. 

At least, that's what Ivy told herself. There was a chance that Harley had mentioned it in passing. Ivy had been a little distracted during the last part of her stay at Arkham. Or maybe Harley didn't tell her because that maniacal bastard manipulated her to keep it a secret.

The first time Ivy had even heard about those two eloping was when she was lying low at the ice lounge. 

She was sitting in a semi-close vicinity to Crane, Jones, and Nygma, thanks to Harley's help. Before her, Ivy wouldn't have even gone to the ice lounge, despite it being the best place to lay low and hide from the Bat. 

Harley helped her to overcome her hatred of humanity. She was the first doctor to treat her not as the heinous Poison Ivy, but as Ives. She looked into Ivy, determined to find the last seed of decency she had left. Harley found it and helped nurture it. Now Ivy didn't feel the need to constantly push away every meatbag in a 30-foot radius. Only one meatbag was allowed in her personal space, though. 

So when the group of men inched closer to her she took a deep breath and counted backwards from ten. She brought her hands together and used her right pointer finger to make small circles on her left hand. All tricks Harley taught her. 

"So did you hear the news?" Nygma was the first to muster the balls to talk to her. Wasn't too surprising, considering how cocky he was. Since Ivy had only recently stopped trying to kill anyone who even breathed in her, most of the other criminals in Gotham didn't know what to think of her. The first time she walked into the ice lounge everyone was convinced that she was going to wreck the place. 

"What news?" Ivy said. If she played nice, she could have allies. Maybe they were talking about a job and wanted to pull her in.

"Joker's out." Nygma took her reply as a sign meaning she wasn't going to kill him. He sat next to her.

This was what these idiots wanted to bother her about? Joker? "Fascinating." She didn't bother to hide the annoyance in her voice.

Crane sensed danger and quickly said, "He convinced a doctor to help him. Do you perhaps remember Dr. Harleen Quinnzel?"

"Yes." Ivy felt a nameless, but ugly emotion boil up in her. "She was my doctor."

Jones said. "I wish she was mine. She was always nice to me. Brought me bacon once."

"Yes yes, it is a shame." Nygma nodded his head in practiced sympathy. "What a nice girl. I wonder what he'll do to her?"

"Get rid of her obviously." Crane didn't bother feigning concern for Dr. Quinzel. "He doesn't like smart goons. He wants them dumb enough to follow him to their death."

This got a laugh from Nygma. Ivy abruptly stood up and put some money on the bar for her drink.

"Where are you going?" She didn't like the look Nygma was giving her. It was as if he was dissecting her. Like she was an interesting specimen.

“Home.”

“You didn’t finish your drink,” Jones pointed out. 

Ivy shrugged, “Take it.”

That was all Waylon needed, he took the glass and chugged it. Ivy rolled her eyes and walked away. 

As she walked Crane said, “Careful, I heard that the Bat is patrolling.”

Ivy didn’t run into Batman, but she did run into an unlucky cop car. The Gotham police department would have a fun time cutting it free.

While it would bother her for the rest of the night, Ivy was able to put the thought of Harley with the Joker out of her mind. She had to because Harley was as good as dead. It irked her that he had screwed over the only good doctor in Arkham, but dealing with that meant having to deal with the Joker. Not worth it for a dead doctor. No matter how much Ivy liked that doctor.

To Ivy’s, and everyone else's surprise, Harley didn’t die. A week went by, and the rumor was he threw her into a vat of chemicals, but she was still with him. A month and the two seemed inseparable. She followed him around like a little demented puppy dog. At first, she relied on Joker’s other henchmen to remain out of trouble, but it was obvious that she was training. She evolved from the pretty little thing that stood by the Joker to his best henchman. 

Ivy didn’t realize just how good she was at being a criminal until she ran into Harley about a year after she helped Joker breakout. They were both breaking into the zoo. Harley for fun, Ivy for a rare plant cutting they had.

Ivy first saw her standing in front of the hyena exhibit. She seemed mesmerized by the pacing animals. Ivy went and got the cutting with no problem. Harley was still standing in front of the hyenas when Ivy was about to leave. She was lucky that no one was there that night except for the guards Ivy had already knocked out. Ivy doubted the other woman had even noticed her presence. How had she survived so long as part of the Joker's gang? Right now anyone could easily take her down.

Sighing, Ivy slowly walked towards her. It would be the polite thing to warn Harley about the guards, who would wake up eventually. While Ivy still wasn’t a fan of the other Rouges, she was trying to be more civil towards them. Plus, she didn’t want to give Joker any excuse for him to be mad at her. That clown was annoying enough without some made up vendetta to fuel him. (She had watched other rogues suffer.)

That’s why she said, “The guards will wake up soon.” 

Harley immediately spun around and pointed a gun at Ivy. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she had mascara running down her face, “Oh, it’s just you.”

Despite a voice inside her telling her to go, that she had already done more than what was really necessary, Ivy asked, “Are you okay?”

“Oh I’m fine,” Harley sniffed and rubbed at her nose like a little kid, “Puddin and I just got into a fight.”

“Puddin?”

“Mista J.” Ivy didn’t reply, so Harley continued on, “Sometimes we fight, so I come here for a bit. I love hyenas.”

“You come here whenever you two fight?”

“Yeah,” Harley seemed distracted.

“What about during the day?”

“I just take off the makeup and costume.” Harley shrugged. “There’s not really any place I can go when he needs a break.”

“Well the guards will wake up and call the cops soon, so you can’t stay here. You can come back to my place if you want.” The sentence left her mouth before her brain had time to think about it. 

“Really?” Harley sounded so hopeful. Well, there was no turning back now.

“Yeah, I think I have a pull out you can sleep on.”

Harley’s entire demeanor changed immediately. “That’d be so fun! Like a sleepover,”

“Sure,” Ivy was already regretting the offer.

As they walked away one of the hyenas whined. Harley turned back and looked at the hyenas woefully, “Oh, I just hate leaving em.”

“What?”

“The hyenas.” She walked up to the glass, where both of the hyenas had walked up to greet her. “Bud and Lou.” 

“They have names?”

“That’s what I call them.” She paused, “Do ya think we could break them out too?”

Ivy sighed and looked at the slobbery beasts. She wasn’t really a dog person, not really a kingdom Animalia person in general. But since she was letting Harley stay, how much more trouble could two hyenas be? “I guess so, but they can’t stay at my place long term.”

“That’s okay, I’m sure Mista J will love them.” Ivy didn’t think it was a good idea to let animals near that maniac, but she wasn’t going to tell Harley that.

Ivy was cautious when they broke the door to the cage. These were still wild animals, after all. And while Harley could insist all she wants that she had a special connection to them, Ivy doubted the animals would ignore their instincts.

Once the door opened, the hyenas bounded on Harley. Ivy rushes forward to help her, but it wasn't necessary. They were just excitedly licking Harley in greeting. 

Harley laughed uncontrollably, “My babies!”

“Okay.” Ivy was both confused and impressed by Harley’s faith in the dogs. The trio continued to surprise her. The hyenas followed Harley every command, which made things pretty easy. The gang robbed a pet store and butcher shop for supplies for the two dogs, then they went to Ivy’s place for the night.

As soon as Ivy got the door to her apartment open, the hyenas immediately ran into the apartment and jumped on the couch.

Ivy went next and Harley followed at a much more leisurely rate. She seemed to be soaking it all in. Ivy figured that this was probably the only other ‘lair’ she had seen besides Joker’s. It was quite a contrast. Ivy’s place had what seemed like a billion green plants on a white background. It was full of soft light that mimicked the sun. Joker’s dump had was larger with grey walls that were decorated with glaring neon signs. Simply put, Joker’s place seemed filthy right down to the rusted foundation while Ivy’s seemed…

“Clean,” Harley said in a trance-like state. Ivy turned to her, confused. Harley blushed, “I meant I’m surprised this place is so clean.” After a second Harley realized how that sounded, her blush deepened. “I just figured with all the plants, dirt would be everywhere. But this place is spotless.”

“Uh, yeah,” Ivy said. “I work hard to keep it that way.”

“I wish our hideout was like this. I do my best to keep it clean, but then the goons come in and muck it all up again.”

“You clean up after them?”

“Well yeah,”

“You’re not their den mother Harley.”

Before Harley could reply Frank said, “Excuse me, will someone please get this mangy mutt off of me?” One of the hyenas had knocked Frank over and was sniffing at him. 

“Lou come here baby,” Harley held her hyena while Ivy picked up the angry plant.

“Sorry, Frank.”

“Why the hell are you letting dogs in here anyway? Fucking DOGS!”

“Hyenas, Frank.” Ivy corrected. Then she turned to Harley. She felt like she should introduce them. It felt like the proper thing to do when you had “Harley, this is Frank. I rescued him from a dog park a few months ago.”

“I’ve been pissed on more times than I can count by those furry little bastards.”

“As you can tell, he's not crazy about dogs.”

“A saint bernard shat on my face one time. A saint fucking bernard.”

Harley looked at Ivy. Then at Frank. Finally, she said in a quiet voice, “That makes sense.” After a moment she added, “What kind of plant is he?”

Ivy explained Frank, which led to her telling Harley about another one of her babies. And another. She realized that she had gone on for more than what was the ‘normal’ amount of time for anyone to be talking about anything.

“Sorry,” Ivy blushed. So much for having Harley as a friend. Now she probably thought Ivy was some plant nut job, like all the other rouges. Which she was, but Ivy was tired of that stopping her from having any real friends, no matter how much she lied to herself. “You didn’t stop me.” Anyone else would have. Then they would have made some joke about that crazy plant lady.

But Harley said, “I didn’t stop you because I was enjoying listening to you. Go on.”

Ivy looked at Harley, searching for a lie or a joke on her face. But Harley’s wide, almost doe-like eyes, said she was telling the truth. “Maybe over some dinner.”

“But we were having such a good conversation, and I’m not even hungry.” Harley sounded almost childish, but her stomach growling undermined her words. After a look from Ivy, she admitted, “Maybe a snack. But I don’t want to intrude.”

“Fine,” Ivy grabbed a bag of jerky from her pantry. “A snack.”

“Huh,” Harley took the jerky. “Figured you’d be a vegan.”

“On the contrary, I’ve only recently started eating plants, and they have to be processed.”

“Processed?”

“Like bread.”

“Oh.” Harley munched on the jerky. Ivy could see her thinking, and surprisingly Ivy was curious.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Why wouldn't you eat plants? That’s basically an endless food supply for you.”

“Oh,” Ivy now regretted asking Harley that question. “It’s um, complicated, and stupid I guess.”

“In my experience those things are exclusive.” Harley could sense Ivy’s reluctance. “Look, this clearly bothers you, and I don’t want to seem nosy or insensitive, but if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

“Thanks.” Ivy was surprised to find that she really meant it. “Just give me a minute to collect my thoughts.”

Harley nodded, “By the way, do you have any ice cream?”

Ivy gave her a confused look but grabbed a tub of vanilla ice cream out of her freezer. Before she could grab a spoon and bowl for the blonde, Harley started using the jerky as a spoon for the ice cream and ate the ungodly combination with a far too happy smile on her face.

After seeing the look on Ivy’s face Harley said, “You should try this.”

“I’m good.”

“I’m telling ya, Red, you’re not living life if you haven’t tried jerky and ice cream.” Harley held the bag out towards her.

Sighing, Ivy grabbed some jerky and dipped it. After looking back at Harley, who nodded enthusiastically, she put the pairing in her mouth.

"Well?" Harley asked after a minute of silence.

"It's not bad," Ivy admitted. "They go together better than I thought they would."

"Yes!" Harley threw her hands in the air. "I knew you had good taste. Now we're BFFs."

"Because I agreed with you?"

Harley nodded. "Yep, and you know what BFFs do? Talk to each other."

Ivy was surprised at how quickly she turned the conversation back towards the whole not eating plants. Ivy was tempted to turn the conversation again but had a sneaking suspicion that Harley was not as bubble-headed as she pretended. Everything the blonde said was working her towards her goal. There was no point in fighting it. 

“Whenever I eat raw plants, it’s like I can hear them screaming.” After a second of silence, Ivy added, “Which I know is crazy, but,”

“I don’t think it’s crazy,” Harley said matter of factly.

“You don’t?”

Harley shook her head. “No. I mean Frank talks. Maybe the others do too, just not at a frequency that regular humans could hear or something.”

“Huh,”

“Even if they don’t, the scream would be a manifestation of your guilt.”

“And that’s a good thing.”

Harley nodded. “It’s a great thing. That means you feel a great deal of empathy for them. Which is something a lot of doctors back at Arkham thought you were incapable of feeling.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, they were stupid.” That made Ivy giggle. She had never heard Harley talk so openly against the other doctors at Arkham. “Hey, you wanna egg their houses?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“It’s a great idea, we could take the dogs and get pizza. Meat Lovers extreme, of course.”

Ivy couldn’t say no to meat lovers extreme. They ended up getting five pizzas for the entire group, crashing three cars that weren’t theirs, and staying out until sunrise.

“Do you know where our hideout is?” Harley asked as she snacked on leftover pizza for breakfast.

“No,” Ivy admitted sheepishly. She didn’t know where anyone’s place was. No one liked or trusted her enough to tell her. 

Harley shrugged and took a sip from a boba tea that Ivy had no idea where it came from, “It’s in the old amusement park area.”

“That’s,”

“Pretty fucking obvious, right? When I first arrived I thought no way we could stay there. Batman’ll find us in a week tops. But I guess he never thinks to look in the obvious places.” Harley held her drink out towards Ivy, “Want some?”

Ivy accepted a sip, “Thanks.”

“No problem. Want some pizza?”

“I’m good.”

“C’mon Ives, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

“That’s why I’m going to wait for something healthier, like eggs.”

Harley sat up in her seat, “You want eggs? Why didn’t you just say so? Head downtown, towards the east end.”

“I thought I was taking you home.”

“I can’t go home before showing Sal’s famous egg sandwich.”

“I don’t know.” Food with Harley seemed to be greasy messes. While Ivy liked most of the stuff she tasted, she wasn’t sure how much more her stomach could take. It was used to a more refined diet.

“C’mon, Red, it’ll change your life.”

“Fine. Then we take you straight home. I need some beauty sleep.”

“Naw, you look great,”

“Suck up.” Harley only made a kissy face in response to this.

Just as Ivy suspected, the sandwich was greasy and undeniably delicious. Much better than she thought it was going to be when Harley walked into the dinghy shop and excited triumphantly with two grease-marked pieces of tinfoil.

The old amusement park was run down. The peeling paint and rusted metal seemed creepy, even in daylight. Deep in the park, however, Joker's hideout was bright and shiny with fresh paint. Ivy helped Harley carry the hyena’s supplies in, with the hope that Joker would still be asleep.

No such luck, as Ivy placed two bags of dog food she heard the Joker say, “Harley, is that you?”

“Yes puddin, and I’ve got a surprise!”

Ivy didn’t have time to make awkward excuses before Joker made his way to them. As soon as he saw Ivy his face fell and he said, “Oh, you.”

“Yeah,” Ivy could already feel her blood pressure rising, “I was just dropping Harley off. I’m gonna go now.”

“So soon?” Harley, oblivious to the entire situation, seemed sad.

This sadness through Ivy off, made her more awkward than usual. “Yeah, it’s just, I’m really tired... from, well, y’ know.”

“Oh yeah, Ives and I were out all night causing trouble,” Harley explained to the Joker.

“Without me?” He sounded slightly angry.

“Yeah, well,” Harley tried to think of a good excuse.

“It was a girls only thing.” Ivy stepped in, physically taking a step towards Joker and staring him down. She wasn’t about to watch him bully Harley.

“Exactly, a girls night.” Harley couldn’t think of anything to defuse the situation, probably due to her lack of sleep. Luckily, she was saved by Lou whining loudly for breakfast. It caught all of their attention.

“What is that?” Joker asked. 

“That’s Lou, and the one over there is Bud. I got them last night. Do ya like them?”

Ivy expected Joker to kick or shoot one of the beasts like the psychopath he was. Instead, Joker walked up to Lou and started baby talking to him. Lou, in turn, started wagging his tail and tried to lick the Joker. 

Ivy made a mental note that she couldn’t trust the hyena’s judge of character. 

Harley hugged Ivy goodbye. And, much to her own surprise, Ivy hugged her back.

“Thanks for last night,” Harley whispered.

Ivy blushed, “Don’t mention it. Get some sleep.”

Harley nodded, “See ya later, Red.”

Before Ivy drove away in (not) her car, her phone pinged. It was a picture from Harley of Ivy from the night before. She was driving, but she had her head out of the side window yelling at something. (Some guy had cut her off.) Bud had stuck his snout forward and was about to surprise her with a kiss. She looked angry and alive. Completely wild. All things considered, it was a nice picture of Ivy. For the caption, Harley just used a rainbow of hearts.

Ivy wasn’t sure how to respond to that, nor was she sure how Harley got her phone number. She didn’t have any memory of giving it to her. It didn’t really matter, though. Ivy was sure that Joker was manipulating Harley into hating her as she drove home. If that didn’t work, he would just bully her into it. Soon, Harley would have the same distaste for Ivy that all the other rouges did. She would avoid Ivy like the plague and things would go back to normal. 

Oh well, that depressing train of thought did nothing. The important thing now was Ivy getting back to her apartment to get to sleep. She could wake up from the dream in a few hours.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, feel free to leave a kudos or comment.


End file.
